Yes, that’s correct, I am the silent one in the band. The only one WITHOUT a microphone! Some band relatives might remember a time when I tried to sing a
song or two but it just didn’t work out. Seems my little pea brain can’t handle the singing and playing at the same time. I’d give it the ol’
college try, the brain would go to mush and I’d forget stuff. Not only important stuff like words and chords but other good information as well!
Like how Greg requires his pool guests to wear a merkin, or the fact the Mike’s drums were pink (or were they?). Ken’s penchant for cardigan sweaters
and walking shorts or how many shots Bruce had downed. Sometimes I’d find myself focusing on the source of that weird chafing or whether I scheduled
that much needed Brazilian wax. Things sounded bad - the singing thing just wasn’t working and I knew it. But I was not ready to give up!! I would
practice for hours and hours alone in my basement hoping to redeem myself. Just me, my guitar, a bottle of vodka and my poster of Rick Springfield.
Night after night, day after day. But even that ended when the band held an “intervention” of sorts and told me I had to stop singing. Immediately.
While they were pretty cool about it (no merkins required, Kristin brought her sister along!) it was a blow to my already fragile ego.
So, I’ll just have to aspire to those great but silent ‘80’s guitar dudes. Steve Stevens, Andy Taylor, The Edge, those guys from Mr. Mister, and Huey
Lewis and the News (not the gay one)… or maybe even that guy from the E Street Band. No, not Silvio, the itty-bitty dude!
So now, if you wonder why I got no microphone, you won’t have to ask.
